The pain of recreating a wardrobe

Eight to ten years ago I was at the height of my gothness. I had moved away from home to study in a big city. I had no money to spend on expensive goth clothing, but I sewed a lot, thrifted things and got things cheap on sale (like a full length cloak that was half price). As I was really tiny at the time I could fit everything I found at the thrift stores, and if something was too big I could just take it in. I had a good wardrobe. I was happy in my dark clothing.

Here is an old picture:

I was studying Theology at the time and some art students had a photography project going on about people who dressed differently than was expected for their field.

Then life happened. I had to start dressing more "normal" and at the same time I spiraled into depression. I kept sinking for a few years without realizing it. Suddenly my body had matured and I had gained weight. My old clothes did not fit me anymore. I still managed to keep a "going out"-wardrobe, but it got increasingly difficult. In the end I gave up for the sake of my sanity.

For the past year I have been slowly rebuilding my wardrobe. I have a ton of fabrics in my closet just waiting to be turned into creative pieces of extravagance. But for some reason it has been very difficult to get started with sewing.

I have been trying to thrift again, but most of the nice things I find do not fit me. I buy ready made goth clothing if I can find it on sale or cheaply, but only if I believe it will be of good quality and if I absolutely love it. I refuse to buy anything that will just sit in my wardrobe and do nothing. I'm also hesitant to order online because I don't want to get the wrong size. My body has also molded itself into such a non standard form that nothing of standard sizing will fit me properly. Hence my love of lacing closures.

But yes, I keep designing items of clothing that I want to wear. Weather or not I end up making them shall remain to be seen. I have at least gotten started with a new skirt, and as soon as I get a button installed it will be done (and it is turning out sooo pretty).

I am getting there, one clothing item at a time. And I really want to get back to my old level of just being able to sit down and sew three items of clothing a day. Those were fun times.